awesome.
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
down girl, it's just tuesday
a restless evening. heart pounding, earth moving energy that i can't wrestle with. somethings askew with the universe tonight. is it the full moon? or just all the sugar i've consumed. i'm not sure.
almost went and bought a treadmill tonight - cause I thought I could run to oklahoma and back. not sure why the crazys turned on this evening, but i better turn it in to someting constructive.
trying to go to sleep tonight ought to be fun - later
- me
Sunday, February 20, 2005
run
K-here's the deal. About every few months I get these urges. I guess you could call them cravings. They seem to happen in the earliest part of my morning as I drive to work. Well last week, one came apon me and here's how it went down.
I was in my Jeep, running my days task through my head and arranging conversations that I need to have with people at work. I was inturuptted buy a voice while making a right on a road that I take every morning. It said to "turn left". And while waiting at a traffic light behind 20 cars (all chopping at the bit to race to the next light) I hear-"get on to the shoulder and pass all these people, don't wait, they're not going we're you're going." Now when I say I heard a voice, it's not like I heard an auditable voice in the car with me- there in the car it was quite. But in my mind they're were conflicting thoughts, rebelious-thoughts but my thoughts. My thought came on like I'm blacking out - except for the lossing concoucesness part and warmth had ran from the core of my being and turned into an aggressive heat all over. Breathing a little heavier I noticed that anxiety had taken over my body. Frustrated and caving in I thought "where am I going?"
Why had such a simple task of driviing to work turned into a war.
Go.
Run.
Don't look back, it's not there.
It's not important anymore.
I'm out there.
You just need to look.
You've got everything you need with you.
Just drive.
The weapons above pounded through me relentlessly.
Ignoring them I arived at work saftley but struggled throughout the day. I caught myself gazing out the window more times thatn usual. I was unussually distracted when people spoke to me. Was I asleep? No, I'm here but wishing I was somewhere else.
I was in my Jeep, running my days task through my head and arranging conversations that I need to have with people at work. I was inturuptted buy a voice while making a right on a road that I take every morning. It said to "turn left". And while waiting at a traffic light behind 20 cars (all chopping at the bit to race to the next light) I hear-"get on to the shoulder and pass all these people, don't wait, they're not going we're you're going." Now when I say I heard a voice, it's not like I heard an auditable voice in the car with me- there in the car it was quite. But in my mind they're were conflicting thoughts, rebelious-thoughts but my thoughts. My thought came on like I'm blacking out - except for the lossing concoucesness part and warmth had ran from the core of my being and turned into an aggressive heat all over. Breathing a little heavier I noticed that anxiety had taken over my body. Frustrated and caving in I thought "where am I going?"
Why had such a simple task of driviing to work turned into a war.
Go.
Run.
Don't look back, it's not there.
It's not important anymore.
I'm out there.
You just need to look.
You've got everything you need with you.
Just drive.
The weapons above pounded through me relentlessly.
Ignoring them I arived at work saftley but struggled throughout the day. I caught myself gazing out the window more times thatn usual. I was unussually distracted when people spoke to me. Was I asleep? No, I'm here but wishing I was somewhere else.
latest iPod additions
• E-Pro (Beck)
• Since you've been gone (Kelly Clarkson - don't laugh, it's a good angry song)
• Lonley People (Jars of Clay)
• Since you've been gone (Kelly Clarkson - don't laugh, it's a good angry song)
• Lonley People (Jars of Clay)
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
good blogs
here are some of my friends blogs, I check them frequently:
http://bsimmons715.blogspot.com/
http://abide247.blogspot.com/
http://bsimmons715.blogspot.com/
http://abide247.blogspot.com/
Sunday, February 06, 2005
ahh that Foosball, it's the debel
It's superbowl sunday and I 'm trying to convince my self to get off my rear and go this party tonight. I was tempted by a friend at work to come hang with them this evening. All weekend I've ponder the thought of attending, however, I'm just not feeling it. I have no attention span for sports on television, there are billions of things I'd rather be doing. It's not even on my radar.
It's so hard for me to sit in a room of people who are all so into the game on TV and I'm staring at the architectual pitch of the ceiling above me. I've faked it for so long I finally stood up and said "I hate sports" in fact they suck.
I don't say that too often, but this topic falls into that catagory (that's the "it sucks" catagory mind you).
Anyway, I've played sports and when you're competative it's fun, but I don't have that competetive gene. But hey, I see it's place- I'm not stupid I'm glad everyone's different, I'm just not that person to have a conversation about sports with. I'd glaze over faster than a Krispy Kream.
mmm, mmm dounuts.
It's so hard for me to sit in a room of people who are all so into the game on TV and I'm staring at the architectual pitch of the ceiling above me. I've faked it for so long I finally stood up and said "I hate sports" in fact they suck.
I don't say that too often, but this topic falls into that catagory (that's the "it sucks" catagory mind you).
Anyway, I've played sports and when you're competative it's fun, but I don't have that competetive gene. But hey, I see it's place- I'm not stupid I'm glad everyone's different, I'm just not that person to have a conversation about sports with. I'd glaze over faster than a Krispy Kream.
mmm, mmm dounuts.
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
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