run

K-here's the deal. About every few months I get these urges. I guess you could call them cravings. They seem to happen in the earliest part of my morning as I drive to work. Well last week, one came apon me and here's how it went down.

I was in my Jeep, running my days task through my head and arranging conversations that I need to have with people at work. I was inturuptted buy a voice while making a right on a road that I take every morning. It said to "turn left". And while waiting at a traffic light behind 20 cars (all chopping at the bit to race to the next light) I hear-"get on to the shoulder and pass all these people, don't wait, they're not going we're you're going." Now when I say I heard a voice, it's not like I heard an auditable voice in the car with me- there in the car it was quite. But in my mind they're were conflicting thoughts, rebelious-thoughts but my thoughts. My thought came on like I'm blacking out - except for the lossing concoucesness part and warmth had ran from the core of my being and turned into an aggressive heat all over. Breathing a little heavier I noticed that anxiety had taken over my body. Frustrated and caving in I thought "where am I going?"

Why had such a simple task of driviing to work turned into a war.

Go.
Run.
Don't look back, it's not there.
It's not important anymore.
I'm out there.
You just need to look.
You've got everything you need with you.
Just drive.

The weapons above pounded through me relentlessly.
Ignoring them I arived at work saftley but struggled throughout the day. I caught myself gazing out the window more times thatn usual. I was unussually distracted when people spoke to me. Was I asleep? No, I'm here but wishing I was somewhere else.

latest iPod additions

• E-Pro (Beck)
• Since you've been gone (Kelly Clarkson - don't laugh, it's a good angry song)
• Lonley People (Jars of Clay)